Review: Why Men Love Bitches by Sherry Argov

Title: Why Men Love Bitches

Author: Sherry Argov

Publication Date: October 1, 2002

Publisher: Adams Media

Genre: Self-Help, Psychology, Relationships

From Doormat to Dreamgirl—A Woman's Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship

Do you feel like you are too nice? Sherry Argov's Why Men Love Bitches delivers a unique perspective as to why men are attracted to a strong woman who stands up for herself. With saucy detail on every page, this no-nonsense guide reveals why a strong woman is much more desirable than a "yes woman" who routinely sacrifices herself. The author provides compelling answers to the tough questions women often ask:

· Why are men so romantic in the beginning and why do they change?
· Why do men take nice girls for granted?
· Why does a man respect a woman when she stands up for herself?

Full of advice, hilarious real-life relationship scenarios, "she says/he thinks" tables, and the author's unique "Attraction Principles," Why Men Love Bitches gives you bottom-line answers. It helps you know who you are, stand your ground, and relate to men on a whole new level. Once you've discovered the feisty attitude men find so magnetic, you'll not only increase the romantic chemistry—you'll gain your man's love and respect with far less effort.

Contrary to the negative one star reviews I've been seeing everywhere for this book, I actually rather enjoyed it and found myself nodding in agreement throughout the book.
Now before you say that this book is a sexist piece of crap and that a woman should not use these tactics in the book to "manipulate" or "play games" with her man, let me say this: Yes, we generalize the majority of men into one category in this book and assume each man acts the same way. Yes, not all men are like the type Argov describes in the book and not all men want a "bitch" (when Argov says the word "bitch", she uses it in a tonge-in-cheek way to describe a woman that is feminine yet not actually "bitchy", a woman that is able to hold her own and have respect for herself and not let a man completely control her life and her choices), maybe they'd actually prefer a doormat-y type nice girl who's submissive and goes along with everything the man says. But the truth of the matter is, the majority of men do act in the way that Argov describes and are attracted to a woman who has dignity and holds herself in high regard. The majority of men do want sex from a woman and aren't looking for a relationship from the start and are just looking to "have fun". There are biological truths about the differences between sexes that can't be denied, and to simply dismiss this book as sexist would be unfair because a lot of these tips and tricks about male psychology do ring true.

And in terms of romance, relationships, love, and dating? I hate to say it but it is a psychological game. Anyone who says "I don't want to play games" simply does not know how to play the game right, and probably isn't very successful at the game. Now playing games does not mean “playing hard to get” and responding to a text hours later to not be so available, playing games refers to using seduction techniques that have been around ever since the word “dating” ever appeared in the books. In fact, when a woman says “I don’t want to play games” to a man, Argov argues that what a man thinks is that “She talks too much” (17). This means that she talks too much about what she wants, demands too much, and acts in a way that is unattractive. Because let’s face it, the “chase” is what keeps the romance and the spark alive, when someone explicitly says “I don’t want to play games” the mental stimulation just isn’t there. We were born to use our intelligence, rationality, emotions, and desires to seduce the other sex. Seduction is an art form that humans have been practising and mastering for centuries. Now more than ever, brute force to compel someone to act in a particular way is frowned upon, and we rely on subliminal forces such as seduction to persuade, influence, and gain power. And there are clearly differences in the way men and women react psychologically to seduction, dating, relationships, marriage, and sexuality.

The message of this book is that there is a specific way a woman needs to be in order to attract and keep a man. There is no harm in these ways. It emphasizes loving yourself, respecting yourself, holding yourself in high regard, having dignity, and above all, retaining your femininity while doing so. That’s what makes a bitch. That’s what men find attractive. A bitch does not mean being “an overly crass, aggressive, independent woman who needs no man” but a bitch is someone who knows how to control a man and hold power over him such as by appealing to his ego. I know that a lot of ladies these days who read the section on “how to play the dumb fox”, will be very opposed to this, arguing that a woman should not have to dumb herself down for a man. But that’s not actually what Argov is advocating, she’s advocating that women act in a way that will allow the man to feel like a man, hence giving her the control when he does everything she says because she appealed to his ego. Being feminine and appealing to a mans ego does not make her weak—it actually makes her strong. Because she is pulling the strings behind the scenes, she is controlling her man from behind the stage, and she is doing it in a way that is hurting no one. A saying in the book that really stuck with me is that a Japanese woman may appear to be very submissive to their men on the outside but in reality they hold the pay checks that their men make. Today, women have a tendency to never want to appeal to a man’s ego, to convince him that “we’re the ones who demand ego stroking”, and to convince him that we’re his equal in everything outright, that we can do whatever a man can do. In this way, we are emasculating our men. Women are stripping men of their masculinity and what makes them masculine. By wanting to prove a point, women are essentially trying to subvert the definitions of what it means to be a woman and essentially losing touch with femininity as well. Women are powerful in ways that aren’t obvious, but they do hold a power that is very different from the kind of power that men hold and that is what Argov is trying to convey through her book.

A lot of the things that were mentioned in this book are things that people know intuitively but put into words. I found the tips really helpful and convenient to have them all in one place.

“A bitch gives a man plenty of space so he doesn’t fear being trapped in a cage. Then…he sets out to trap her in his” (43).

—I think that this is something women need to realize; men like to take down a woman who he feels like is a challenge, especially one that is more aloof and mysterious. When women are too clingy and demand that she know the whereabouts of her man all the time, and act so attached to him he starts to feel trapped. Men desire freedom and independence above all, and when a woman doesn’t suffocate him with her attention, the man desires her more. This is a simple trick of psychology: we all want what we don’t have. This relates to another attraction principle: “If you start out dependent, it turns him off. But if it is something he can’t have, it becomes more of a challenge for him to get it.” (12).

“Humility? Don’t worry. It’s a treatable affliction, a mental glitch. If you catch yourself being modest or humble or any of that nonsense, correct the problem immediately. Go directly back to believing you are “a catch”. Period. End of story. Case closed. If someone else doesn’t like your confidence, that’s their problem. Why? You always come before they do, that’s why.” (13).

—I actually love the sassy tone of this book. It really gets the point across in a clear and matter-of-fact way. I think that while it is important to be humble and not come across too cocky or arrogant, women also need to have confidence in themselves: they need to believe they are “it” in order to be “it”. It’s not about looks—it’s about how women hold themselves. Having that self-confidence I believe will make a tremendous difference in how you carry yourself and others will see it too—and self-confidence is sexy.

“The “three date rule” will fall on deaf ears with the bitch. She’ll let the guy walk—she won’t parted. He will end up marrying the woman who doesn’t play by his rules; she plays by her own. Since she has no problem allowing the words See ya later to trip lightly off her tongue, he usually doesn’t feel as if he can get away with disrespecting her.” (62)

—This is what it means to have self-respect. To be able to say “see ya later” to a man when he doesn’t play by your rules; that’s what it means to be “holding your own”. It’s self-respect that is sexy; a man can see that and he is immensely attracted to it because let’s be honest, the majority of men don’t wan’t a woman who will bend over backwards for them because it’s not a challenge to them, and men need a challenge as they were born predators and hunters.

“When a woman acts as though she’s capable of everything, she gets stuck doing everything.” (90)”

—This is the problem with being a “strong independent woman who needs no man”. She gets stuck doing everything, because she’s shown that she can. A man needs to feel needed and worthy, he needs to feel as though he can provide because men are PROVIDERS. They are generators. As CSJoseph once said, “if a man is consume more than he provides, then he is not a worthy man”. A man must be producing more than he consumes. If a woman acts as though she can take the man’s role, then that’s what she will be doing, and most likely end up with a man who has not self-actualized and reached manhood. This leads to another similar quote: “The hardest lesson for the nice girl to learn is how to receive. Let him give to you, because part of his manhood is defined by feeling “responsible”. The dumb fox doesn’t give up power, she simply creates the appearance that she does. And this very much helps her positioning power because she gets what she wants.” (91) As mentioned previously, men are givers, generators, and breadwinners—doing so is what makes them feel like a man. Women need to learn how to receive and make him feel useful to her, because if a woman acts as if she can do everything, why would she need a man in the first place?

The takeaway from this book is that you are all you need. You need to place yourself first, have dignity, and self-confidence as well as self respect. It is clever, funny, and relatable. I thought it was practical and rung very true. I will read this a second time around because I think there is a lot of value in these attraction principles. I recommend this for all women who feel like they’re being too nice and are being taken granted of in relationships, women who feel like they need to learn how to value themselves first, and women who would like to know what men are really thinking and how to play the love game right.